I Want a Tattoo and a Mohawk

My biggest fear is that I’ll get a tattoo that looks like a Calamata olive from afar, or a nicotine patch. I’d like something mean, a la Vin Deisel, or crawling up the neck like George Clooney had in that movie by that director of that movie called Reservoir Dogs. The Mohawk I want messy, homemade, like DeNero in Taxi Driver. And I want muscles to go with the Mohawk and tattoo. And I want to be greased up and riding a Harley nights, week-ends. What? Don’t be looking at me like that. I’m fed up and bored in this skin. That’s all. I want to make noise when I walk as if I’m wearing spurs. I want my cigarettes to stank like only a tobacco farmer would love. I want a pistol like Mel Gibson had in the first movie of that series when he put the barrel in his mouth but just couldn’t do it. I want the gun for that, just so I can play out that scene once a month. I want a sports car with fat, cartoonish, wheels, a sports car that goes grrrrrrrrr at the lights.

So any ideas about the tattoo? There's only a couple months before I hit forty-five.