The Canadian Writers' Collective

Writing, and writerly tangents

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I Want a Tattoo and a Mohawk

My biggest fear is that I’ll get a tattoo that looks like a Calamata olive from afar, or a nicotine patch. I’d like something mean, a la Vin Deisel, or crawling up the neck like George Clooney had in that movie by that director of that movie called Reservoir Dogs. The Mohawk I want messy, homemade, like DeNero in Taxi Driver. And I want muscles to go with the Mohawk and tattoo. And I want to be greased up and riding a Harley nights, week-ends. What? Don’t be looking at me like that. I’m fed up and bored in this skin. That’s all. I want to make noise when I walk as if I’m wearing spurs. I want my cigarettes to stank like only a tobacco farmer would love. I want a pistol like Mel Gibson had in the first movie of that series when he put the barrel in his mouth but just couldn’t do it. I want the gun for that, just so I can play out that scene once a month. I want a sports car with fat, cartoonish, wheels, a sports car that goes grrrrrrrrr at the lights.

So any ideas about the tattoo? There's only a couple months before I hit forty-five.


Blogger Andrew Tibbetts said...

Since things go out of style inevitably, go with a tattoo that's ALREADY out of style, like, say, The New Kids on the Block. Really big, across your back.
Good luck.

Tue Jan 13, 06:01:00 pm GMT-5  
Blogger Antonios Maltezos said...

Oh, a kick me sign on my back. Thanks, Andrew.

Tue Jan 13, 08:06:00 pm GMT-5  
Blogger Tricia Dower said...

I think you should rent a Harley one weekend, get some paste-on tattoos, and a pair of boots with spurs. Have your wife take lots of pictures. It just might be enough. You might have to do it a couple more weekends, but that should cure it.

Thu Jan 15, 12:26:00 am GMT-5  
Blogger Antonios Maltezos said...

I don't know, Tricia. I've already started wondering about hitting fifty and how much that's going to hurt. What this all has to do with writing, I haven't a clue.

Thu Jan 15, 05:33:00 pm GMT-5  
Blogger Tricia Dower said...

Yeah, watching yourself grow old sucks. I take my glasses off before looking in the mirror. Forty was the bad one for me. Fifty is okay. You should be resigned to it by then. What does it have to do with writing? Just piling up those life experiences to turn into fodder.

Fri Jan 16, 12:45:00 am GMT-5  
Blogger Steve Gajadhar said...

"Sexual Chocolate" tattooed across your back!

Fri Jan 16, 02:13:00 am GMT-5  
Blogger t said...

I have a friend who got piercings on his 50th birthday; tattoos on his 55th and a purple mohawk on his 60th. I can't imagine *what* he'll do on his 65th. He doesn't ride a Harley, but he's exceptionally fit (in both body and mind!) and cycles everywhere on a cool-looking black bike with mirrors. He's quite the inspiration for the age-defiers!

Sun Jan 18, 11:07:00 pm GMT-5  

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