The Canadian Writers' Collective

Writing, and writerly tangents

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Don't matter who killed the pig...

By Antonios Maltezos

We were at the Montreal Biodome on Tuesday -- first time, so we didn’t know what to expect. Tropical stuff for sure, and we’d be moving in their environment, hence… The Biodome. But to be truthful, Granby Zoo was much better. They had apes! -- one big silverback and a bunch of chimpy looking females. What an experience standing there on the good side of the thick glass imagining what would happen if that silverback were to get really, but really angry. Would he be able to smash through the glass? I say yes, though I don’t think he knew that, that he could smash through that glass as easy as I could, umm... break a brick with my bare hand if I got really, but really angry, silverback angry. I had nightmares of that gorilla for days afterwards. He’d broken the glass and I had to fight him so my family could escape into some kind of petting zoo full of baby goats and ducks and chickens. Each time, he’d catch me with a right cross, or an overhead thumping like in the cartoons, and I’d have to force myself awake. Anyway, The Biodome was kinda boring. Out of 121 pictures, we printed two, and the rest we stored on a cd I haven’t bothered labeling yet. My wife chose a near perfect head shot of Zoe for framing, and I chose the other picture -- me posing with a stuffed pig, 5 by 7 matte. I think it’s the coolest picture ever. The woman at the Pharmaprix even thought it was an awesome picture. As we were waiting for her to print out our slim order, she grabbed a stack of someone else’s pictures and held them up for us to see. “He’s got fishes, and you’ve got a pig,” she said, shmirking like she was really, but really proud of herself. My wife snickered, and to tell you the truth… I smiled. That lady had unknowingly given me a compliment by recognizing what was for her a very odd picture, me posing with the porker. It wasn’t something she would do, or even ever think of doing. This was pure manly stuff, thank you very much, just like that other guy taking pictures of the bottom of his fishing bucket… shot after shot of his fishing bucket slowly filling up. Not something a woman is supposed to understand. They’re trophy shots. Mine is a trophy shot. Don’t matter who killed the pig. He’s dead and I’m not. Get it?


Blogger Tricia Dower said...

You're both incredibly cute -- in a manly sort of way, of course.

Thu Jul 12, 01:48:00 am GMT-4  
Blogger Andrew Tibbetts said...

He looks as real as you! That's good stuffing.

Thu Jul 12, 03:44:00 pm GMT-4  
Blogger Chumplet said...

Whew! I thought the post was going to be about killing a pig. I'd heard enough descriptions of that!

I love the little zoos. We have one in Central Ontario, the Elmvale Zoo. The Toronto Zoo is okay, but so, so big. Sensory overload.

Thu Jul 12, 05:11:00 pm GMT-4  
Blogger Antonios Maltezos said...

The pig was much larger and menacing in real life. The had a stuffed elk, as well. I should have had my picture taken with the elk, instead.

Thu Jul 12, 07:07:00 pm GMT-4  
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Wed Jul 31, 05:45:00 am GMT-4  

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