The Canadian Writers' Collective

Writing, and writerly tangents

Monday, March 17, 2008

*Sigh*

Life is probably as it should be. As sad and difficult as that may be, at times, to understand and accept, it’s as true and right and unquestionable as anything else. Life is at it should be. You reach a certain age, and you begin to wonder how come you never paid attention before, why you never noticed that with each change of season, your life becomes less and less about living, and more and more about something else. It’s like that silly song my children loved at bedtime. They never knew I had a difficult time singing it. The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah… They’d giggle at my grossness… the littlest one stopped to pick her nose, hurrah, hurrah, but they had no clue my inflections were tinged with sadness. I always wondered why they didn’t get it. What were they hearing? Did they think the ants would send a rescue team back through the forest looking for the ones left behind? But I guess life really is as it should be. They’ll probably sing the same song to their children, wincing in the soft glow of a nite lite as the song marches on and on. This, for me, has been a season for saying goodbye to a generation of people who, in passing on, are bringing to the surface so much of what I thought I’d ignored as a child. With each goodbye, I feel myself stooping over under the weight of an understanding that doesn’t really make me a smarter person, just more resigned, sadder, more in tune to the fact that my words will probably come back to haunt my children when it’ll be their turn to see that, yup, life is probably as it should be.

6 Comments:

Blogger Anne C. said...

Oh!

Mon Mar 17, 10:17:00 AM EDT  
Blogger jsnider said...

A beautiful piece today.

Beautiful for its honesty and grace.

Thank you

Mon Mar 17, 10:58:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Antonios Maltezos said...

I`ve lost five from my parents generation in the last ten months, people who filled my life growing up. I can`t believe I allowed myself to run out of time with them. Missed opportunities for one last good conversation with them all. Damnit! Uncle Toti, Angie, my uncle Kiriakos, my aunt Helen, and my uncle Andreas. I`m heart-broken. Rest in peace. And that`s enough now. As selfish as it may sound, what does this leave me with -- a bag of memories I'm gonna try and hold onto?

Mon Mar 17, 12:59:00 PM EDT  
Blogger jsnider said...

They all graced your life. You have been and still are very lucky indeed.

You can only live in the moment and accept what is.

Nothing is ever lost, only changed.

Mon Mar 17, 01:46:00 PM EDT  
Blogger T. Lee said...

Wow, Tony. Amazing post. I can sympathize. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Mon Mar 17, 03:47:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Tricia Dower said...

Very thoughtful, Tony. As you age, life does become less about living and more about reflecting. That's a good thing, I think. There is an acceptance that can be liberating. And, you can learn from your losses. Make the most of each moment you have with the people who are left.

A lovely, sad piece.

Thu Mar 20, 01:08:00 AM EDT  

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