Objects: #7—Phone Numbers on Bits of Napkin or Scraps of Paper

By Andrew Tibbetts

This month I’ve had two different guys slip me their phone numbers in bars. Woo-hoo. It’s never happened to me before, but I’ve seen it in movies. I’m going to make a little shrine at home for them and their colleagues, the contact-info-upon-debris of the future.

According to Feng Shui, you should put a little romance altar in the northeast corner of your place if you want to improve that area of your life. On it you could put two candles (unless you are trying to attract a polyamorous collective and then you could put a dozen.) Pick red or pink. It’s the love spectrum. You could put little pictures of lovers kissing. Or ducks. (If you are a fowlaphile.)

I’m not superstitious. I don’t believe in magic. But I think if you do this sort of thing, it has a psychological effect. You are taking action to prioritize something and that is going to effect your subconscious attitudes and decisions. Pay attention to your love corner and see if that doesn’t translate into something.

What happens if your little scraps of potential relationships ignite on your love candles and burn your house down? Is that a sign of something? Not a good one, right?

I was going to make a little altar right now, but in my office, because they have insurance. Only, I figured out the northeast corner was what the door opens onto. That would mean that any time I went in and out of my office I slam the door into my love area. That’s got to hurt. So maybe just a picture on the wall in that spot.

I have a nice one of two hockey players kissing from the International Day Against Homophobia of several years ago. I look at it and swoon. Let me share it:

Yes. It’s true. I did this entire post so that I could look at those hockey players and brag about my hook-ups. Shameless. What’s it have to do with Canadian Writing? Nothing, I know! I should have written something about parliamentary politics or the woodchuck.

The only thing I’ve ever written on scraps of paper are ideas for books or music which come to me at inopportune times. Later on I take them and turn them into full-blown masterpieces of course. I hope the same for my recent love-leads. And to you, dear reader, I wish woodchucks and a parliament that works along with your fill of sweet kisses!