Harry Potter and the Deadly Spoilers

by Andrew Tibbetts

I’m the fourth in line in my family for Harry Potter. So that means I have to go around with my ears plugged and my eyes blinkered for a week or two every time that British pauper tosses another edition into the wind. Last time out, I heard that Dumbledore died before I got my crack at the book- I was much pissed. Today I was getting my lunch at a Second Cup coffee shop (because I’d gotten a giftcard honorarium for giving a half-day workshop on anxiety) when I saw a young man trying to rip the hands away from the ears of a young woman and trying to yell something into her ears. She was going, ‘don’t tell me, don’t tell me’. He was going, ‘who dies is…, who dies is….’. I immediately got out of line and ran to the bookstore. I work at a university. You wouldn’t think they’d have Harry Potter at the bookstore, but they do. Tons of him. I bought one and quickly ran away from all human contact. I’m going to stay away until I’m done the book. It’s fourteen thousand pages long and weighs more than my Chevy Cavalier. I should have grabbed some snacks. I’ll see you. In awhile. Don’t wait up.