The Canadian Writers' Collective

Writing, and writerly tangents

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Objects: #5—My New Cell Phone

By Andrew Tibbetts (the handsome devil to the right!)

I went to take a picture of my new cell phone for this blog post. Then my mind had to do a mental flip because you can’t take a picture of something with the thing that you use to take pictures of things! Can you?! And then I remembered those mirror shots in dating profile photos. The main thing you can tell about a guy is that his mirror is streaky. Mine certainly would be, so I took this at work.

I have a new cell phone. It’s a blackberry. Now I get my email and my phone calls and my text messages all sent to me wherever I am. This has changed the structure of my life. I’m hauling the thing out of my pocket all the time to see what messages I have. And most of the time it’s disappointing. No, that guy has not texted me since the last time I checked fourteen seconds ago!

I got this blackberry by accident. I lost my normal, perfectly acceptable phone on my trip to the AIDS conference in Mexico this summer. I had signed my life away for my cell phone plan and they were going to continue to bill me for years whether I had a phone or not. So, I went on Craigslist and met a lovely young woman who wanted to get the new Curve and was thus willing to sell me her old cell for quite the deal! I didn’t know much about the difference. But now I do, now that I’m perma-wired to the net. To all the nets! Caught like a multi-fish in the multi-verse.

However, I’m not likely to give it up. Like the situation of a bad boyfriend, the potential pleasures hook you to the ongoing pain realities. There just might be a message. Let’s check. Nope. Let’s check again. Nope. Shut the thing down. Okay, turn it back on because there just might be a message. Is there? Nope.

But maybe there is… now…

…or now…

The process is neuroticising. Before my blackberry I had self-esteem. I was a man who got messages occasionally. Now I’m man with no message right now and no message now either and still no message and still no message and still no message…. I had no idea how many seconds of the day there were in which I was not receiving messages.

Email Andrew’s blackberry at and help re-build his self-esteem.


Blogger Ellen said...

Note to self: DO NOT GET A BLACKBERRY! I'm OCD enough as it is, checking and rechecking my email at my desk.

Here hoping there's at least one new comment every time you check this blog, Andrew ...


Wed Oct 29, 01:10:00 pm GMT-4  
Anonymous Shaula said...

I followed order and pinged you. :)

The BlackBerry is a godsend to us our our mega road trip: we use the Garmin GPS software on it to navigate, and when we're stuck in a crummy hotel with bad or no wifi, we connect a laptop to it via Bluetooth to dial out and hit the Internet with it as a modem.

Marvelous device. Enjoy yours. :)

Wed Oct 29, 01:11:00 pm GMT-4  
Blogger Andrew Tibbetts said...

Ellen and Shaula, there are pros and there are cons to the Blackberry! True indeed...and I'd say more but I've got to go and check mine...
Mwah, A.

Wed Oct 29, 01:14:00 pm GMT-4  
Blogger Tricia Dower said...

What a great way to see who's reading the CWC, too. Very funny post, Andrew. I enjoyed it.

Wed Oct 29, 01:36:00 pm GMT-4  
Blogger MelBell said...

Hmm. I sent you a text msg last week and didn't get a reply...

I hope somebody else didn't get it!

Wed Oct 29, 02:07:00 pm GMT-4  
Blogger Denis Taillefer said...

Is your Blackberry experience letting you down? Are you feeling left out of that rat race you so clearly deserve?

Well look no further! For a mere $199.99 monthly fee, we at HUG will send you 199 daily personalised messages that will restore your self-esteem.

But don’t just take our word for it! Here is what our satisfied customer had to say... (Note: We anticipate many more clients soon, and an inevitable buyout by Google is sure to follow.)


“Oh yeah, it’s made a huge difference. Just the other day I was flogging my new play, Impressions Of A Dry Cleaner, about a closet impressionist painter who decides to follow his heart and bleaches articles of clothing into works of art. It was rejected. And I was about to fire my agent when my Blackberry vibrated. I just knew it was HUG, and let me just say that now I’m working on a new play as we speak, and my agent is still my best friend and mother.”

Give us a try, and your first day will be free of charge but dear in HUGs.


Hubert Ugo Gidley
And Satisfied Customer

Wed Oct 29, 02:45:00 pm GMT-4  
Blogger Andrew Tibbetts said...

Tricia, I got your text! MelBel, I did not get yours, try again (on the hour)! Denis, sign me up (brilliant idea, btw)!

Wed Oct 29, 05:46:00 pm GMT-4  
Blogger T. Lee said...

I sent you a love note... Did you get it?

Thu Oct 30, 03:45:00 pm GMT-4  
Blogger Andrew Tibbetts said...

t. lee I got your love note! It helped me feel better. Can you send them hourly?
All the best,
Bottomless Pit of Blackberry Neediness

Fri Oct 31, 12:37:00 pm GMT-4  

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